My girls,
When you were very young, without meaning any harm, the world told you a big, relentless lie. I am positive that sometime in your preschool years, a kindly adult knelt down and asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “Oh,” you thought subconsciously, “I thought I was already me!” Nonetheless, you gave the right answer because you knew that adults expected certain answers. “An astronaut or a Barbie surgeon” you said dutifully. The adult likely chuckled and told you how impressive those goals were. Then, you unknowingly digested the lesson that this question was a key to your future. You realized that this was a question you would have to figure out by the time you could operate a motor vehicle.
From that point on, if you are like most people, you decided to spend many years becoming that thing you told everyone you wanted to be. If you have resources, support and determination, you will probably get there someday. However, I want to warn you that while you are busy being the-thing-you-wanted-to-be-when-you-grew-up, something else will also begin to dawn on you. You will realize that tomorrow, if you lost your job or you got seriously ill or a computer replaced you, you would no longer be that thing. When you realize this, you will look up from your work for just a moment. If you look long and hard, you will discover that most people are many, many things. You will see that one of the least permanent things about them is their job. They are mostly fathers, mothers, siblings, neighbors and citizens. You will see that what really makes them valuable is whom and how they choose to love.
This happened to me. At some point, after being asked multiple times what I wanted to be, I started dreaming of being a lawyer. I thought I could help people and I also liked to write. I found I could see both sides of an argument and make a good case for either one. So, I worked terribly hard for many years. I became a lawyer and I got a very good job. As expected, I wrote and I helped people a little, though mostly I helped one corporation get money from another corporation. This IS important because it keeps the economy going and it preserves justice, but it isn’t work that concretely changes the lives of your neighbors in ways that you and they can appreciate. After lots of all-nighters and lots of weeks wherein I never ate a single meal with your dad, I got tired. Dad and I decided to have you girls. I quit being a lawyer and it was an easy decision because I wanted to be with you more than anything. For the last thirteen years, my work has been loving you and your dad and making our home as good as I know how to make it. I have become an expert at packing lunches that aren’t too junky but junky enough so that you don’t loathe me at lunchtime. I know where and when children’s underwear goes on sale. I have enjoyed telling you stories in different crazy voices and playing Legos. I have loved making sure that you got to school on time with hair brushed and face cleaned. This year, my work is changing again, though my work of loving and supporting you will never end. I’m so glad about that. I am studying for the bar exam, and if I pass, I am headed back to work. It’s time. You now brush your own hair and are very good at it. You tell me stories in crazy voices and make me laugh. You know when jeans are on sale at American Eagle before I do. You are wondrously capable.
At this point, my life has taken some turns and I’d like what I’ve learned along to way to benefit you. Here is what I know about what I want to be when I grow up after being a lawyer, and then not being a lawyer, and then trying to be a lawyer again. I know that you should stop wondering what you will be someday. You should just BE all the things that you are right now. If you do this, when you grow up, you’ll already have lots of practice being exactly who God purposed you to be. Just keep doing it. Be as genuine and as kind as you know how. Be sure to keep making your people laugh. Bring meals to friends who are struggling. Call your loved ones. Once you have kids, teach and protect them with all the strength you can muster. Cuddle with your spouse. As long as you are doing those things, you can then choose to get up and write reports, fly planes or treat sick people. However, you must keep in mind that this really isn’t what you became when you grew up. It’s simply what growing up allowed you to do right before you returned home to do something else. The secret no one tells you in preschool is that the “something else” – it’s almost everything. Please don’t ever forget it.
Charles Barnes says
Wonderfully wise ….
Janell says
Love your perspective and applaud the value placed on the things you had the privilege to experience!
Charlotte says
I wish I could’ve read that when I was growing up. ❤️
Diane Wood says
Loved your thoughts! Good luck on your next adventure! You are amazing.