Oh my gosh. It’s May! Parents, you know what that means. We are all looking at our calendars and freaking the heck out. Inwardly we are feeling like this:
But outwardly, we trying to act like it’s just business as usual. In May, we still cook dinner occasionally, talk to our spouse about important things and enjoy all of our kids delightful, freaking activities, okaaaaaay? We…are….fine! (Just kill me Eric! If you chopped that cucumber any slower, I’d swear you were trying to seduce it not put it in a salad. Julia has summer volleyball tryouts at five o’clock and Henry cannot be late to the Tae Kwon Do showcase!……Oh, I should calm down? Thanks for the life advice! I’ll use it the next time it helps, which is never!”)
May is the month that reminds us of this singular fact: “Holiday” pressure doesn’t just happen in December. There are so many recitals, graduations, tournaments and showcases, one starts to feel genuine terror that another Signup Genius requesting a dozen homemade cookies for the reception will arrive in one’s inbox And then there are the…gulp…..awards ceremonies. Awards ceremonies are the double-edged sword of year-end activities. If your child is receiving an award, they are a truly happy occasion. (Hooray! It must be all our stellar guidance and good genes!) However, if your child has done nothing all year but watch other people receive awards, well, they can experience some real disappointment. (As if Annabeth deserved another citizenship award. I saw her push a kid in the cafeteria with my own two eyes just last week!) I am not saying here that everyone should get a participation award and that kids should receive trophies to boost their self-esteem. Some kids do not deserve an award at all. However, many kids who have been serving up acts of kindness and slaying academic tests all year may not receive any recognition. Therefore, when awards ceremony time comes and your kids have been delivering the goods all year, you might need a speech or two in your back pocket to use afterwards. I personally have one for if they lose and one for if they win. I’m sharing them with you today because we all need to hold hands and get through May together like Kindergartners surviving a really long field trip.
To My Child Who Won the Award
Omigosh [insert name of beaming child here], what a huge deal! Dad and I are so proud of you. I am so glad [insert coach, teacher, administrator here] sees how hard you’ve been working this year. Dad and I already know that you are fantastic, but we love it when others see it too. Let’s celebrate!
[after a great celebration]
Hey, did you congratulate [insert other award winners here] and hug [insert empty-handed friend here] after the ceremony? Did you remind her how admirable and special it was when she [insert friend’s unrecognized accomplishment here]? The fact that you got an award today shows me that you are letting your light shine and being unafraid to show your very best qualities. Well done! I want you to keep doing that. Please also make sure you keep on magnifying the great qualities of your peers. Point out to your teacher when another, quieter friend has done something great. Shine your bright light on kids who sit alone at recess and bring them into your circle. God gave you your “outwardness” not just so that you would have lots of certificates but also so that you could love people with all that warmth and light! Take your talents and get out there, kiddo. Make sure people know that you have lots to learn from them too. Many kids with bare walls know things you don’t. Be a good listener! Be curious. Be a person who raises people up when you are raised up.
Most importantly, in the years where you don’t get awards, remember this year! You got a turn on the awards circuit so make sure you root for other people wholeheartedly when it is their turn! Also, so many people do the right thing all the time and never get an award. Keep doing the right thing whether there are awards to be had or not. That’s what it will feel like to be an adult someday. You’ll get up and do the right thing almost every day and no one will give you a certificate. Right now, you should practice doing the right thing just because you love the folks around you. Then you’ll get good at doing that same thing as an adult. Did I mention that I am insanely proud of you?
To My Child Who Came Away Empty-Handed
You studied your patootie off all year. You collected A’s like they meant every-darn-thing. You were inclusive, kind and hard-working and you didn’t sass your teachers when they made you so mad you wanted to tell them to go eat chalk. At the end of it all, you sat there and watched Jennifer get her sevientieth award for Excellence in [insert good childhood qualities here] and your palms ached didn’t they? You got a knot in your stomach and you asked yourself this: “Am I not so great?” Sweet girl, let me answer that for you. You are SO GREAT. And I am not just saying that because I am your mother. I am saying that because I know your heart like I know my own face and the quality of your heart is out-of-this-world fantastic. Like “Best Heart Ever in [insert grade] award” fantastic. Here is the thing about you and awards ceremonies. You are not temperamentally lined up at all. Like, if an awards ceremony was a girl your age, you would not hang out in the same group even if your moms wanted you to and made playdates and everything.
Awards ceremonies are often for the kids who, when the teacher is scanning the room for a kid doing something right, jump into the viewfinder and perform their good deeds just as the shutter goes “click”. Now, I am not saying these kids are showboating. They are great kids who mostly deserve their awards but they are kids who know and use the adult rewards systems with great skill. They wear their “great” and “straight A” and “varsity” on the outside like a vest over their shirts. They invite the world to watch them when they pour out the treasure and talents they have. Not so with you. You are like buried treasure. Deep and vast but placed on this earth for the curious, smart, dedicated folks to dig up. You take time to unfold. You quietly do the right thing a hundred times a day but when when an adult asks for volunteers, your hands stay down. That girl who got Most Everything Everyone Admires today? Her light is bright as the sun. God bless her! The world needs people like her. Remember however, my love, that the world also needs you. Your light is a warm, steady glow. It doesn’t burn no matter how long you stay near it. It comforts. It never intimidates. Keep going. Also, every once in awhile, if you want a certificate, show a few adults exactly who you are in brighter, flashier way than normal. If not, don’t worry. I see you. God sees you. Nothing you do is wasted simply because your name was not called today. Did I mention that I am insanely proud of you?
Let’s do this, May. We can get through whatever you dish out with strength, dignity and kindness. After all, what’s the point of winning awards except the incentive to do your best every time you do the things that matter? We grownups know that it’s the striving itself that makes us who we ultimately are. Stinkin’ May, the most brutal of all summer months, reminds us that character is its own reward when the going gets tough.
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